Friday 24 January 2014

Casting couches are real!!

Fantastic and unexpected evening on Thursday!
I was meeting two production assistants (they are more than that but I don’t know their proper job titles) for a film company to discuss an acting role. Yes proper acting!  But why me, well there is going to be a lot of adult, R Rated content in this 20 minute short and I was just the man for the job.
So there we were sitting in a bar in Victoria; that is R (a sultry, dark haired Mediterranean) and S (a typical tall blonde Scandinavian) and me.
Two glasses of wine and the sexual tension between them was palpable and increasing and the more we talked about the film and in particular the sex scenes, the more they rested hands on each other’s legs, then the more excited I got.
But on the other hand I was feeling just a little peeved. I mean I am an older guy and these were two pretty women in their early twenties.  Do us older guys really get a chance with younger women?  Of course not that only happens in the movies.  But this was the movies!!
It went like this:
‘We think you will be a good candidate for this role,’ said R.
‘That’s good cos I think I can do a good job.  Have you seen my blog?’
‘Yep,’ said S with a certain amount of tentativeness.
‘I sense the hesitation. There is  a but,’ I said.
They looked at each other, which wasn’t difficult as they were sat so close together. It was R who answered. ‘You will need to audition,’ she said.
‘That’s fine,’ said I. ‘I expected that.’
‘Good,’ said S. ‘Then let’s go now.’
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘Now?’
‘Yes,’ said R. ‘Let’s go and do the audition.’
You know at that moment I thought I was being scammed but as ever there is no other to find out but to say ‘yes’.  So we gathered up coats, they paid the bill (that was good) and we set out to find a taxi. We headed off towards Bermondsey.
It was a spacious and modern flat. S didn’t hang about.
She picked up a camera, pointed at a plain wall and said, ‘OK stand over there strip off and start wanking!’ I can tell you I was hard already. So this was the audition and I wasn’t going to miss the chance of this role. I wanted it.
But Yeah, I hear you say. By now you couldn’t care less about the film you just wanted those girls. But you are wrong because I I did want the role but you are also right; I also wanted a roll and so I didn’t complain and was quickly out of my clothes as S pointed cameras at me while I got harder and harder.
‘We need some context,’ S said and well I am sure you know what happened. S was shooting and R was soon next to me with her hand on my cock before dropping to the floor for the start of the most fantastic BJ.
S soon put down the camera saying, ‘we have enough on film.’
But the evening wasn’t at an end. Soon we were soon all naked on the bed and the girls were kind enough to make sure that in their shared passion I wasn’t totally excluded. Early evening turned into a late night before I left.
As I left R and S were still naked waving at me from the door. ‘You will get a positive recommendation.  I am sure you will do fantastic in the film.’
I thought I had done a fantastic job already. My only regret? They won’t be in the film.
I will let you know if I get the job and how it turns out. I always thought the casting couch was a myth.  Not anymore.